Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
