Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
we're so committed to being not committed
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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