Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
