i barfeds in our rink
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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