Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
