im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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