I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
