Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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