I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
