how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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