I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
