No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
