Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
