he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
