omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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