can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
