Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
