this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
The air was thick with penises
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
