when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You may now shotgun with the bride
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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