i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
