I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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