Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
