whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Randomize
