Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
