I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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