I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
