Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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