i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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