So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
