It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
