Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
