DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
