I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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