The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
