You're my little dorito
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
