have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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