is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I will be naked everywhere
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
