He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Well I just put wine in my tea
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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