She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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