I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
