Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
