You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
