Is it because I queefed?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Randomize
