my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
