the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
