i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
