dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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