Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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