i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
