I hate all girls vehemently.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
