Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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