the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
