so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
